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| I don't have a picture of the last kiss, so I thought I'd have one of the 'early' kisses. |
The movie world, would like us to believe, that the most important 'kiss' between a man and a woman is their first kiss. When the flame first gets lit. I beg to differ with that thinking. I have come to realize it's not the first kiss, but your last kiss that says more of the love you have. At least that's how it was with Todd and I.
It was the weekend before he died, and Kristi and I were up in Tioga seeing him. It was always hard. Hard to see him like that. Every time we went, more of him was gone, every time I saw him I went through a shock. Even though I knew how bad he was getting, each time it shocked me. Todd wasn't walking well, and needed assistance or a wheel chair. When we visited, we would take him to one of the 'family rooms' they had in the nursing home, so we could all be together. I'd sit and sing to him, or read him scriptures, sometimes I'd read him what I'd written in the "Adventures of Todd and Kelley." He'd often fall asleep in the recliner, and Kristi and I would read or write, and wait for him to wake up again. On that Saturday, he had just woke up from a nap, and wanted to walk around the room. I was assisting him, to make sure he didn't fall. He walked over to the little 'kitchen' area of the room where there was some cupboards and a sink, and he started opening the cupboard doors. I told him, I don't think we should get into their cupboards, and pointed out some things on the counter that might be ok for him to 'play' with. This is the area of the nursing home, where they stored a lot of their seasonal decorations. Todd started pushing me a little bit, and it made me a little nervous, cause I wasn't sure what he was wanting. He got me pushed into the corner, and then he bent down (remember I'm quite a bit shorter then he was) and kissed me. I melted, and just held him close. The man who sometimes forgot I was even his wife, and couldn't remember my name anymore, still knew that he loved me and that I was special to him. I told him again, how much I loved him.
Kristi and I were talking about this the other day and she says she remembers it well, as she was sitting in the room with us and watching it all transpire. Her dad one last time, kissing her mom.
I know I kissed him good bye on Sunday before we left, but that kiss doesn't hold my heart like when he reached out to me. I guess unless you've dealt personally with someone with dementia you probably don't understand what it means to have them reach out to you. When they recognize and actually remember for a moment who you are, it means the world.
I cherish the love I have for Todd and the love he had for me. God knew what he was doing when he brought us together.
Miss you so much Todd.
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This morning in honor of his birthday I wrote this little ditty. I know my poetry isn't perfect, but it's still from the heart.
Gift to You
I can't give you a gift up in Heaven
You already have all that you need
For you are home with our Heavenly Father
Life eternal you have received.
If I could pass through that heavenly veil
Just a moment to give you a gift
I'd send you a hug and kiss
And tell you how much you are missed
Happy Birthday in Heaven my dear
I love you so very much
I look forward to that day when we meet again
When I join you and our Savior we love.
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