A Grief Thermometer

      When I got home from the last Grief Share Group, I was sitting at the piano singing and playing, and I was thinking about a question I had asked the group.  

    "How does one know when they're through grief?" 

    The general consensus from the group was that you're never really ever through it, as you never forget your loved one, but there comes a point when joy replaces that pain.  One lady described it as, one day you realize your every thought hasn't been on your loved one who's gone.  The pain is replaced with joy.  Someone else shared, it's when both joy and pain can coincide at the same time.  

    As I was playing piano and singing, I had this thought, wouldn't it be great if you could have a grief thermometer.  You just insert it into your heart, and it shows if you still have pain that needs healing, or even better, you're on the road to totally being healed.  But in real life there isn't such a tool.  Kristi mentioned that maybe our thermometer is when we think of them or remember something about them, and there's no longer that pain in our heart.  Maybe  this thermometer  could also detect other things in our heart that need fixing too.

   The Bible puts it this way, "I will turn your mourning into gladness; I will give you comfort and joy instead of sorrow." (Jer. 31:13)

    One thing I've learned as I've walked this road of grief, is everyone grieves differently.  What's grieving for one may not be even be an issue with someone else.  This is true because every loss is different.  Even if I met someone with a similar loss, it still would be different, because they didn't have the relationship Todd and I had together, nor I have their relationship.  But I can certainly understand their pain.  Even though it may differ from mine, I still know the feeling of the pain of loosing someone you love so much.     

    It seems strange to think it's joy that replaces your sorrow and grief.  It's not like you're joyful that your loved one is gone, but there comes a joy in your life, that you know you can go on, even though they're not physically with you any longer.  A strength of knowing God is still with me, even though Todd has moved. 

    We were asked in the Grief Share class, what we've all learned and gained from it.  Several people shared their hearts, and how God was helping them in the journey.  When it came to me, I said I felt going through grief has begun to show me who I am.  Who is Kelley without Todd.  While visiting my sister-in-law Georgia over Easter, she made the comment to me, it was never just Kelley or just Todd, it was always Todd and Kelley, cause we did everything together.  That's what being a partner is all about, that's what marriage is, togetherness.  I've heard it described so many times, and I've said it myself, I feel like I've been ripped in two, and only half of me is left.  Now to find out who that remaining half can be all by itself.   God has had me on a rather unusual path, I've been describing it as a journey.  It's hard to explain, but I know it's working.  This wouldn't be the road to restoration for some people, but it is for me. God always knows what's best for us.   I told a good friend of mine recently, there's a lioness arising within me, and you better get ready cause she's about to roar. (To really understand that you need to read the book Lioness Arising by Lisa Bevere)

     Do I still hurt at times?  Oh yes.  Do I still cry?  Yup.  Is my heart healing? Most definitely!  Every teardrop is one drop closer to a completely healed heart.  Someone once told me, that tears are a good washing, but laughter is a good dry cleaning.  I kind of like that.  They both bring a washing and cleansing of our soul.  For a merry heart does good like a medicine.  So don't feel sorry for me if I'm crying, or criticize me if I'm laughing, I'm just cleaning out my heart to make it whole again.

    

Love from Japan

    Sometimes love comes in unexpected ways.  Sometimes love comes from far away places to you.  Sometimes love comes shown from across the ocean.  Sometimes love comes in the form of a young Japanese family, the mom being my 'sister' whom I had not seen since 1986, on her last brief visit after she left our home in 1979.  My little sister Reiko, my Japanese sister via a foreign exchange program.  Reiko came to us in 1978 to study here in America, somehow I believe God placed her in our home back then for that year, but in our hearts forever.  She was only 15 when she came, and to me, she has always been one of the bravest person's alive.  To come to a foreign country, and stay for almost a whole year at such a young age was amazing to me.  She never complained, she never showed that she was homesick, even if she was.  She was here to learn, to experience a different culture and language.

      Several weeks ago, I received an email from her that she and her three children wanted to come and visit for a few days.  I was thrilled, and so was the rest of my family.  Although she said, she'd stay at hotel and take a taxi, I insisted she stay with me and Kristi and I'd take her where ever she wants, as hailing a taxi in Bismarck in not like hailing a taxi in Tokyo.

      The last few days, has just been wonderful, meeting her children, Yoko, Elena (twins) and Jun.    We've been trying to pack as much into a day as possible to let the children experience as much of a North Dakota experience as possible.  We've toured the capital, had lunch on the 18th floor,  visited the gift shop, went to the Shaw farm, Jun got a ride on Grandpa Don's tractor, they threw snow balls and sticks out onto a frozen Harmon Lake, went to the YMCA and played basketball with Philip (who came home briefly to meet them on Wed night), ordered Pizza Hut pizza,  toured Mandan High School and the First Presbyterian Church, visited my Uncle Lewie and Auntie Elsie, went shopping at Kirkwood, and last night we (the whole Shaw family) ate at Kobe's Japanese Restaurant.  Today we'll go to a party at LaRue and Tracie's and tonight they will stay at a hotel to experience an American Hotel with big beds and pool. Of course doing all this while being extremely jet lagged and tired.   For the children, this is the first time, they've seen such wide open spaces as North Dakota has in abundance.  Unfortunately our North Dakota weather did not cooperate in presenting itself in a nice spring fashion, so they got to experience more of our North Dakota winter that seems to never end this year.

     But what really touched my heart, was something Reiko said yesterday while she was being interviewed by the Mandan News.  She was asked why she came back now at this time.  She said several factors, one the children were on 'spring break' which is actually the time in between school years, as their school year runs from April to March every year.  Next she was in between jobs, (She's a bond analysts in the banking world) and in a short break herself.  Then she said, "Kelley's husband, Todd, just died, and she wanted to come to see me, after such a sad event."  That's love in action to me.  To come from the other side of the globe, to say, I love you and care how you're doing after the loss of Todd.  That's wrapping big arms of love around me and my kids in ways I don't think Reiko even realizes  she was doing.  Thank you Reiko you're a very special person and I love you very much!

Mom being silly and finally getting the seaweed into her chopsticks, at Kobe's.  It actually tasted pretty good.

(I'm sorry I had to remove the rest of the pictures, as Reiko was uncomfortable with any pictures of her or her children on line.)