 |
| This is one of the last things Todd wrote and gave to me. This was a couple of years before he died. He was loosing his ability to write, but could still do a little bit at this point. A few months later, he didn't even know how to write his own name any more. He always believed in me, and said I was the best thing that ever happened to him. This note is one of my most cherished gifts from him. |
Todd use to call this time of year, his season of panic. You see, gift giving wasn’t exactly his strong point, in fact, I don’t think that kind of thinking crossed his mind too often. So why the panic? Well, there is Christmas, then the following week, our anniversary, then two weeks later my birthday. So within three weeks, he had the three “biggies” of gift giving. It always sent him into panic mode, which usually resulted in him doing nothing. Poor guy. I’d drop hints, make suggestions, but it rarely helped. Occasionally, he would come up with something for one of those events that was quite creative and thoughtful. But those times were few and far between. A few times, by mistake, he bought a birthday card and gave it to me for Christmas, I’d chuckle at the crossed off “happy birthday” and the hand written in Merry Christmas, but at least he had made the effort. One time, I asked him if he had even read the card before he bought it and signed it and gave it to me, and he asked me why I’d say that. I said, “because it says Happy Birthday, not Merry Christmas. :-)”. Then he’d give me a sheepish grin that only Todd could give, and we’d both be laughing.
But now, he’s gone, and he no longer has to panic this time of year. For me this time of year has turned into my season of sad memories. It starts with his birthday in November, then we move to today, (Dec. 22) the anniversary of his death or better said, departure from this world to his new home in heaven. Then there’s Christmas without him, then a week later, what would have been our Anniversary but now also the anniversary of his funeral, then two weeks later, my birthday without him here.
Sometimes I’m not sure how I should process all this. To just ignore these days, seems wrong and unhonoring to Todd, but to mope and be sad seems wrong too. He’s celebrating in heaven face to face with Jesus, and I don’t think he’d want me to be all sad and down. Todd was one of the most positive persons I have ever known. I use to say, even his blood was positive (A+). I on the other hand, have always tended to see things from the negative point of view, and yes, even my blood flows negative. (O-). I’m not sure blood type has anything to do with our actual view of things, but it tended to flow that way with us. I’ve had to learn to live more positive, though that doesn’t come naturally to me. It’s a constant battle to change my way of thinking.
So today, on this mile-marker day, I choose to rejoice. I choose to be positive. I choose to live life to it’s fullest. I choose life. And in doing that, I believe honors Todd.
Love and miss you Todd!