A Fatherless Father's Day

    Todd and the kids four years ago at one of Phil's Football games at VCSU. Must have be shortly after Kadence was born.

 How does one approach Father's Day when there's no more Father to honor.  This is a question I've been pondering.  Personally, my father is still alive, and I get to tell him face to face today how thankful I am for him.  But my own children face a Father's Day with no Father to call.  For Tyson, I would assume, his day will be filled with fun things with his own little ones, and just being a Dad, in the great way that he does.  For Phil and Kristi things are a little different.  I wish I had something from their Dad to give them, some words of advice or encouragement. But Todd wasn't much of a writer.  When he did write something it was always well written, and well thought out, and had usually taken him hours to write.  He said he was always amazed at how quickly I could write something, but he didn't always see the times, I sat struggling trying to come up with something intelligent (not sure that always happens either.)

     I wish I had the answers to all these tough questions.  I wish I had the comfort to extend to my kids and others.  My only thing I can say, is I've watched God be the father to the fatherless, and that is great comfort to me.  

     To my Dad I wish him the Happiest of Father’s Days.  He has always been and will be one awesome Dad.  Love you!  

     To my sisters-in-law and brother-in-law who face today with out their Dad (my Father-in-law) I feel your pain, but still in a different way.  He was my dad by love, not by birth.  I still miss him so much.

     To my children, I can’t say I know your pain of loosing a father, I lost my husband, and that’s a different pain.  I do know your father would be so proud of each of you, and that he loved you each so much.  Know that the real things in life a parent leaves for you are not material possessions, but the things of the heart.  I know he showed you a love for God’s Word, and taught you how to work hard (probably harder than you’ll ever work for anyone else) and how to laugh (how we all loved his laugh).  

    So those with a fatherless Father's Day, know that there is a heavenly Father, who loves you very much, and can still be there to be a father to you.

Shaw family picture in 2013. My Mom and Dad with all their kids, in laws and the two youngest grand kids, and of course Quito my dog. 

Happy Father's Day Dad!

Ambush of grief from a dictionary app

Todd and I in our 'dating years'  

We had "BIG" glasses! 

lackadaisical- adj.

1. without interest, vigor, or determination; listless; lethargic: a lackadaisical attempt.
2. lazy; indolent: a lackadaisical fellow.

     A word came up in my 'Word for the Day' dictionary app, and I was flooded with memories of Todd again.  Who would think that one word in 'Word for the Day' could ambush a person in grief.  The word seems like an unlikely word for an ambush of grief too, cause it doesn't describe Todd at all, but it reminds me of him so much.

   Todd was the first person to introduce me to this word lackadaisical.  We were talking about teachers we had in High School one time, and he was telling me about his English teacher; Miss Frankenstein (seriously, that was her name).  But Todd said she was beautiful and I believe she had been a 'queen' too (like in a Miss South Dakota or something).  He loved to tell me about what a good teacher she was and how she could really teach something so you remembered.

   When the word lackadaisical came up in their vocabulary list, she demonstrated it, but falling on the floor, and laying there lazily with a daisy.  Todd said he never forgot the meaning of the word, and neither did I, even though I was never in that class.  

   Thank you Miss Frankenstein (who later married and became Mrs. Perman) for being a good teacher and not being lackadaisical in your teaching. Todd learned it, and so did I though him.  

    A memory tied in a word, a moment of grieving, none of which was lackadaisical.

Met Mikki (Frankenstein) Perman recently at a Reuer Family Reunion.  She couldn't believe how much Philip and Kristi looked like Todd.  

    

Floccinaucinihilipilification

   I have this dictionary app on my iPhone, and every day it sends me a 'new' word. Today's word was a doozy.  Floccinaucinihilipilification is one of the longest words in our English language and means: the estimation of something as valueless.  With a whopping 12 syllables to it's pronunciation, it takes a while just to figure out how to say it, remembering it is another thing.

   I look at it as, making a mountain out of mole hill.  How can something that is valueless have such a big word attached to it?  I think it's when we give way too much value to something that does not deserve any of our time or effort.

   I think about the lies we believe about our selves, that you're worthless, or unwanted. Those lies are floccinaucinilipilification. Giving value to a lie is not worth it. Seeing things in the true light is.  

  Put an end to the floccinaucinihilpilification in your life! Or take speech lessons to learn to say the word.  

   Just having a little fun with words on the last day of Homeschooling my kids!

  

Finishing a chapter in the Book

For the last 10+ years I have sat in this chair, given to me by my kids, to watch them compete in athletic events. I sat in for the last event yesterday.

 
Am I being melancholy or am I  just tired,  yesterday was a hard but happy day.  Sad cause I realized this was the last sporting event of my kids I will ever see (at least for High School years).  I sat in my #1 MOM chair for the last time for them.  Not that I won't ever use the chair again, I'm sure I will, but not to watch a High School sporting event of one of my three.  The book has been closed, the story is over.  Yah, there's a little bit of sad there, it's a way of life I finally got comfortable in.  I didn't grow up with athletics, and if you know me, you understand why. The closest I ever got to being athletic was being on the Dance Team in High School one year (all four years in Marching Band though).  Music was more my forte (pun intended).

   There is a happiness in it all though.   For now that this door has closed, that means new doors can open. New things will open up for Kristi (and the boys too.)   

   Tomorrow we celebrate another door closing.  This one is slamming with a very loud squeak on it's hinges, cause it's been open for a very long time.  Twenty-two years ago, I started homeschooling my children.  What a journey it's been!  Tomorrow we celebrate Kristi's Graduation from our Country Faith Home School.

   There were moments of sheer joy, as I watched the light bulbs go off in their minds, there were moments of amazing frustration, as I watched them struggle with concepts they couldn't quite grasp, and I couldn't quite explain.  There were moments of fun when we met weekly with our OAHE Homeschool group in Mobridge, and practiced for plays and musicals, played basketball, had music and art classes, had our Homeschool Olympics and  just had fun together.  Great memories!  As I face the end celebration tomorrow, I have to be truthful, I can hardly wait to be done.  It's been a long commitment, and anyone else who has homeschooled understands that.  It meant giving up things I wanted to do, so I could dedicate time to my kids, but then again, what I really wanted to do was have great kids, who were outstanding citizens, gifted in each of their God given areas, and hearts that are in love with God, not cause Mom says so, but because they want to love God.  To that end, if you ask me if I'd do it again, I'd say YES and Amen!  God has rewarded my effort, how ever failing and weak at times, with three of most wonderful young adults you can imagine.  God has answered my prayers for each of them, and I know He will continue to meet them as they continue on their journey as young adults.

    Doors open, and doors close, it's all part of life.  Like a good mystery writer, you come to the end of the chapter and he leaves you hanging wanting to know what will happen next, that's a good book!  I'm turning the page to see what will happen next.  Read on!  Live on!  Life is always changing.  Change is hard, but can be good.