The Empty Pillow

It's really hard for me to let my thoughts, fears and tears go public, but somehow maybe in the writing I too will find healing.  I've always found comfort in the pen and paper (or now the keyboard and screen).  Somehow in writing I can express my fears, my joys, my sorrows, my love, etc.  So forgive me for my ramblings, or just don't bother to read, these posts of my journey on this strange strange path I'm on.  But this morning I awoke again to that empty pillow beside my head, and these words started rolling around, and I had to put them down.  

The Empty Pillow

I awake beside this empty pillow

my heart is filled with tears

for on it you did lay to rest

your head for all these years.

For months and months I've lived in fear

when you rarely slept

that I would wake your sleeping head

and the rest would be unkept

I can not share the terror 

or fear that came to me

when your thinking went awry

and logic no more can be

But there's times I still hear you talking

to yourself by the hour

in the mirror in the bathroom

but never talking sour

You'd tell yourself how God loves you

and you're looking good

those scripture so imbedded within

still compass as they should.

I want to bring you back somehow

but how I do not know

to the mind where Todd once lived

free from the shadows below

If love could work it's perfect work

I know you would be free

free from what traps you within

to be who you're meant to be

Never think that our separation 

is my lack of love for thee

but that I really want

the very best you see

I know it's hard to be apart

for my heart is broke in two

but lets believe some how though God

our love would be made anew

Though different from what we have known

our lives from now will be

but only through the strength of God

our hearts will become free.