Back in 1982 when Todd and I got married, no one had a camcorder, or a iPhone, I think maybe my brother-in-law had a 8mm camera, but he forgot it in Rapid City. So our only recording of our wedding was a small tape recorder placed in the choir loft of the church. We had somewhat of a tradition through the years, that on our anniversary we would listen to the tape, to remind each other of our vows to each other. We didn't make it every year, sometimes we couldn't find the tape. A few years ago, my sister Debbie, took the tape and burned it onto a CD for us. Now it's taped, in a CD sleeve, inside our wedding photo album. The last few years we couldn't listen to it cause all our belongings were packed away in boxes in my parents garage. I had plans of taking the CD up to Tioga on our Anniversary and playing it, reminding Todd that I still meant every word of it, and still loved him as much, and actually more than on that first day or our lives together. I never got to do that though, cause, on our anniversary this year, I laid Todd's body to rest in the ground, and said good bye, to my pard, my best friend, my lover, my husband.
In lou of Valentine's Day, I pulled the CD out this morning to listen to it, this time alone without Todd. I cried, I laughed. Yes, laughed, at the sounds of chuckles from the congregation knowing what they were all laughing at. Some of the wedding party (I won't name names) had taken Todd's shoes and put "H-E" on his left shoe and "L-P" on his right, so when we knelt down to pray at the end... you get now why everyone was laughing. We had to explain to the minister later, as he was a little perplexed as to why everyone was laughing at his prayer. I laughed at my cracking voice at the end of the song Todd and I sang to each other. I smiled remembering the terror on Todd's face, when we got to the last verse, and I whispered, "Let's turn and face the people." This was the first time that Todd had song solo (actually duet) in public. He did great, he had such a wonderful singing voice.
I cried hearing the original music sung by Andrew Nelson and another original song by Tom Porter. All the beautiful music. One of the benefits of growing up with wonderful musicians, they play and write music for your wedding. (The original song by Andrew was not written for our wedding, but for someone else's, but I loved it, and asked him to sing it at our wedding too.)
A wedding in all it's beauty is just one day event into a life time together. Many people people spend tens of thousands of dollars on that day, but fail to prepare and cultivate the rest of their lives together. Todd and I were determined to keep our wedding expenses down, and put more into our lives. (I think our wedding in total cost under $1000. Most of that being the cake and pictures. I'm sure my Dad would know the exact figure.) But our lives together, was priceless.
Our theme scripture from our wedding was; "... the love of God has been poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit who was given to us." (Romans 5:5b NKJV) It remained a theme throughout our lives together. There were times when we had to 'stand' on that scripture more than others. We're human. We make mistakes. We fail. We forgive. We love. We hold on when all hope seems gone.
Another scripture we had at our wedding was from Ecclesiastes:
"Two are better than one, Because they have a good reward for their labor. For if they fall, one will lift up his companion. But woe to him who is alone when he falls, For he has no one to help him up. Again, if two lie down together, they will keep warm; But how can one be warm alone? Though one may be overpowered by another, two can withstand him. And a threefold cord is not quickly broken." (Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 NKJV)
Todd and I would often quote the part of the verse, of two together being warm when they lie down, in our often freezing cold drafty houses we lived in. I seem to have the coldest feet, and would love to place them up against his warm legs, to warm them up. He always said I was freeze branding him (you got to be a rancher to understand that one). But it was more than just keep each other's feet warm, we were always there for each other holding each other up. I've never met anyone, who I could pray with like Todd. I've been shocked through the years, that many Christian couples don't pray together. For us it was common place. Actually how we spent a lot of our time together when we were dating too. I guess we saw it if you can't pray together, you're not going to stay together.
In a sympathy card from the man that was our best man at our wedding he said, "I have many great memories of Todd and our journey in life together, of course you are in most because it seems you two were together for all of our time together." We were a team, working together. Though Todd and I were worlds apart in personalities, we were a perfect match in the spirit. We were 'pards' for life.
Yes, I know I use that word 'pards' a lot when talking about Todd and I, but it's for good reason. When we first started spending time together back in Bible College, we were driving somewhere in his pickup. Todd asked me if I'd be his "pard." I guess that's how cowboys ask the girl to be their steady. I guess you know I said yes.
I always thought to really be in love, it has to have all those mushy "Hallmark" type situations, you know, when the guy gets the girl at the end, and it starts snowing. Yes, snow, it always snows at the end of Hallmark movies, I guess they think that's romantic, I'm sure they only think that cause they never lived in North Dakota. I never had those mushy, head over heels, I think it's gonna start snowing any moment type moments in our life. Love was more of a commitment, one you stuck to, no matter what happened. Even when life got ugly, and not the way you planned. Even when you're both driving each other crazy, you don't quit. We use to joke that our marriage was made in heaven, but so is thunder and lightening. Yah, life wasn't always a bowl of cherries, we had lots of pits to deal with. With every pit, we went to The Lord and dealt with it. We stayed together, till death split us apart.
Love was still there, even when I had to make those awful decisions that I knew would come someday, but came way too soon. Even when certain people criticized me for my decisions to put Todd in a nursing home, I knew it hadn't changed how I loved him. I loved him even more. Loving him, even when he couldn't love me back. I told my son Tyson once, that my loyalty to Todd goes deeper than my love, but the truth is, my loyalty really was my love. Yes, sometimes love does really hard things, sometimes love takes you through really hard places, sometimes love is all you have left. It takes me back to our wedding scripture theme, but I really want to back up a couple of verses and put it in context.
"...through whom also we have access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and rejoice in hope of the glory of God. And not only that, but we also glory in tribulations, knowing that tribulation produces perseverance; and perseverance, character; and character, hope. Now hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit who was given to us." (Romans 5:2-5 NKJV)
That love of God that's poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit, is what brings you through those times of tribulation that produces perseverance and character and hope. It may not be 'snowing' like in a Hallmark movie, but love can still be flowing.
The other day, I found a card in my dresser that Todd had given me. I'm not sure if it had been for a Christmas, our Anniversary or my birthday, they were all so close, but it said this: "With all we've shared the laughing and loving and living- you'd think I'd have discovered all the reasons I have to love you...But I keep finding new ones all the time." He signed it "I do love you very much!" Todd
That's what love is.
Happy Valentines Day
What a beautiful Valentine's Day message Kelley. Left a mark on my heart!
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