"It's so hard to see my Dad like this"

Todd sitting on a lazy boy during the Nursing Home church Service. 

   
    Kristi and I made the trip up to Tioga this past weekend to see Todd.  It had been three long weeks since we've been able to make the trip up there. Why so long? Well, the first weekend, there was a snow storm and I didn't want to risk driving on awful roads, then I was gone for two weeks to see Philip in Colorado and Tyson and Sarah and their sweet girls in Oklahoma. I'll save that trips adventures for another post. 

   We arrived in Tioga at lunch time for Todd.  He was sitting at his table, stooped over.  I don't know how to explain it other than to say, I was shocked at his physical condition and the decline in the last three weeks. He now has to be fed his food, but occasionally trys to pick up his fork or spoon and feed himself, sometimes gropping at invisible food somewhere other than his actual food.  His neck is bent over at almost a 45 degree angle.  This whole neck thing has me so upset. Ever since his awful time at the hospital, his neck seemed to be bothering him.  I told the nurse at hospital that, and he 'bafoo'd" my observation, and said they'd get him a Tylonal. I told him, I don't want more drugs I want it checked out, to which I was told there was nothing wrong, and Todd was just tired.  I again brought up his neck when we arrived in Tioga, but nothing was done to check it.  This weekend, I hope I made enough stink about it that it will be checked out. I told them I'm really getting tired of not being listened to.  The nurse made a note on his chart to have the doctor check him. Hopefully something will be done now.  I assured them that this is NOT normal for Todd.  He winces in pain if you touch his neck.

     Later on Saturday afternoon, one of the CNA's helped me get Todd to the "Beauty shop" on site, and  I was able to give him a hair cut. First time I've ever cut his hair in an actual beauty shop and not our kitchen.  As typical in most nursing homes, residents are only bathed once a week.  For Todd and his oily hair, this is not good.  His scalp condition is awful.  I tried as best  as I could to remove what looks like 'cradle cap' from him.  I would have shampooed his hair in the salon sink, but with his neck in the condition it is, I thought it would be too painful for him.  It was quite difficult to cut his hair with him leaning over, but I did the best I could and got him looking better.

    Most of our time was spent sitting by Todd trying to show him pictures of my trip, singing to him, praying for him, walking him up and down the halls, which proved to be quite difficult as he was very unstable this weekend. 

     We did discover the CD player (which was Kristi's) that we had brought up for him had quit.  While he was sleeping on Sunday afternoon, I ran to Alco to see if I could purchase him another one. My selections were quite limited,  like there was only one choice, but did get him a small "boom box" to play the music we have for him there.  My sister Debbie had worked diligently creating a CD of music of me singing from the Women's retreat I helped put on and led the worship for in July.  I  told Todd now he can hear my voice any time.  He always said I was his favorite singer. :-)  

    Kristi and I visited the Assembly of God Church on Sunday mornning, and went to lunch with Pastor Jeremy and Jamie. Love the hearts in this young couple and their church.   

     We again stayed with our dear friends the Tandes.  Gary and Lori are such blessings to us. We got in on a little adventure of theirs when we arrived Saturday evening to find their house dark.  At first I was concerned that maybe they were gone, even though they told me they were going to be home.  But  then I saw a dim light on the dining room table, and saw Gary out with a flash light in the yard. Gary told me he had been backing up one of his rigs and accidently hit the main power pole by the shop and had knocked it down.  Lori mentioned that the good thing was it missed their son Lee's new pickup and most of all she hadn't done it.  When I told Todd the story and what Lori had said about being happy that she hadn't done it, I got a big smile on his face. Thanks, Lori, for helping Todd smile.  We had wonderful grilled dinner by lantern light, and then we all went to bed to be somewhere warm. Somewhere around 3 am, the power company had finished putting up the new pole and power was restored to their home.  What an adventure! 

    On the way home, I asked Kristi her thoughts on the weekend.  She said, "It's just so hard to see my Dad like this."  I couldn't agree more.  It breaks my heart to see Todd like this too.  I've talked to a lot of people who said they kind of know what I'm going through cause they are going through or have in the past experienced this with their parents in a nursing home. But when it's your husband  and he's young (yes, I do still consider us young) it seems unbearable.  This is not suppose to be happening, but it is.  I told Kristi, I sometimes feel I'm walking in somekind of weird dream, but it's more of a nightmare.  I want to wake up so bad and find out this all isn't so.   Yet, my only comfort is that I know God is still here for Todd and I both.  He said He'd NEVER leave us nor forsake us.  I continue to worship Him, and sing the music in my heart for Him.  Somehow, someway, there is victory.