We spent Sunday and Monday in Dickinson at the Northern Plains Believers Rally at Break Forth Bible Church. I just felt we both needed to, as I put it, "Be under the spout where the glory comes out." In other words, go sit under God's Word for a time, and be refreshed and encouraged. It's been a long hard battle, and both of us are a little battle weary. The Rally has been wonderful, and we both have been encouraged by The Lord.
On our way home late Monday night, Kristi pulled out the laptop while I was driving, and wrote the following about her Dad.
Losing by Inches
by Kristi Reuer
It is extremely hard to lose your dad to death. It is equally hard or even harder to watch him slip away from you day by day. I watched my dad lose a bit of himself every day for years. It didn’t always come in big ways like when we found him trying to drive on the interstate the wrong way, which forced us to realize that it was no longer safe for him to drive on major roads. It sometimes came in little ways. Like him forgetting what he was trying to say. Something we have all done but that he did constantly for years. It came subtly, like one day having to remind him to put food on his plate and the next having to dish it up for him. It came sporadically, like him seemingly fine one day and really confused the next and then back to sort of fine.
For many years after my dad’s horse accident he was mostly fine. And then somewhere along the line he started slipping away. It was practically unnoticeable at first. Just him being a little more forgetful and having more trouble talking. Just an inch of him slipping away here and there.And then somewhere along the line I started noticing it more and more. Those little inches that he had lost were accumulating and the process wasn’t slowing down it was speeding up. Towards the end it was more like we were losing him by feet and yards then little inches, as he became less and less able to function normally, or function at all those last few weeks in the nursing home.
So while yes, it was very hard to lose my dad on December 22, at that point there wasn’t much left for me to lose. Oh, don’t get me wrong it hurt like crazy to know I would never see my dad again on this earth. But he hadn’t really been my dad for a while. Again don’t get me wrong I loved my dad very much and still do but the normal father-daughter relationship didn’t exist between us anymore. And frankly it was far better for him to go be with Jesus then for him to languish in a mind and body that wouldn’t let him do anything anymore. So while I miss my dad, I rejoice that he is finally whole once more. It wasn’t the healing we wanted but it was healing never the less.
Here is the Poem I wrote along the same theme:
Loosing Him by Measures
it's been a month since you moved on
to that heavenly home
your body still, an empty shell
we laid to rest here on the earth.
but you've been gone
much longer still, the man we really knew
for inch by inch you left us here
your mind kept leaving you.
other people said, he's not that bad
he looks so healthy and strong
but they did not see what we saw at home
your struggle daily going down hill.
at first it was hard to see
the changes all so small
but inch by inch it took its toll
till life became so hard.
over time it became not inches lost
but now by foot by foot.
the changes became evident
from those who would on look.
in this last and trying year
the changes were so quick
not inch or foot, but yard by yard
daily the demenita took
each day we saw less of you
the man we really knew
till on that day all was left
a body an empty shell.
but now you're whole in heaven above
life is ere' so sweet
Jesus knelt down and healed your soul
by the river of life so sweet.
our hearts are empty cause you've left us here
but with you we do rejoice
to know that you are whole
the measure of man complete.
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