Faded Jeans- Remembering today... Dec 22

  I looked down at my jeans tonight and noticed how they've faded, and it just doesn't seem like that it could be that long since I bought them.  I remember the day well, it was last Dec 23, 2013 at the north Walmart in Bismarck.  I walked through the store like in a daze, it was the last place on earth I wanted to be.  I wanted to be home sobbing, but there were things that needed to be done, as Tyson and Sarah would be arriving later that day, and as usual I had left the grocery shopping to the last minute.  Before leaving the store, I decided I better pick up some new black jeans to wear, as my present pair were not very presentable.  So much of me just said, forget it, I'll do this later, I hate shopping, especially for clothes.  I'm sure some people would disapprove of me wearing jeans and my western jean jacket at your funeral, but you always liked that jean jacket, and you'd rather be in a pair of Wranglers any day to anything else.  I did it to honor you.

    I tried on a couple of pairs, and found one that fit, and made my way to the checkout.

    I still remember the checkout gal, asking, "How are you today?  Did you find everything?"  I just looked at her blankly and said "It's been a pretty tough last 24 hours."  I'm sure she thought I was  speaking of last minute Christmas shopping, but that was the furthest thing from my mind.  I didn't elaborated, cause frankly, I don't think she really cared, and how does one tell someone, that the love of your life just died last night, and now I'm faced with a life without him.

   I paid for my purchases, and drove home, fighting off the cold subzero cold outside, and a colder feeling on the inside.  The next nine days were a battle, not only emotionally, but physically, as the flu hit.  I can't remember the last time I was in bed for days with a high fever and vomiting.  There were times, when I had no clue what was going on outside that bedroom door.  I just knew I had to get well, as we wanted to make your celebration day special and meaningful.

    So here I sit a year later, still wearing those black jeans, even though they're fading and wearing out. I'm thinking it's maybe time to go shopping again, but you know how I hate shopping for clothes. 

     We made it down to Tulsa late last night,  this is the first time all the kids and I have been together since the funeral.  We went out to eat tonight and sat and told stories of Todd on the anniversary of his home coming while munching down the chips and salsa, his favorite.  I always teased Todd he was Mexican by taste bud.

    Thank you to all who have read my blogs this year, you know who you are, yup, all 32 of you!  LOL, but truly, thank you for taking the time to listen to my heart, as I've walked this journey without Todd.  Your encouraging comments are always helpful, and have given me strength to go on and continue.  

    Merry Christmas!