Thankful 'In"

my effort of trying to get Todd to smile. 

 Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you who belong to Christ Jesus. (1 Thessalonians 5:18 NLT)

People, including me, are often wanting to know what God's will is for their lives.  I believe this is one of the few scriptures that says "This is God's will for you."  And what is it? To be Thankful.  What a lesson, especially for this week of Thanksgiving.  I know I haven't been feeling thankful cause of Todd being in a nursing home, and we will be spending Thanksgiving day with him there.  It's not that spending the day with him that is a bummer, it's just that he's in a nursing home, and that's the atmosphere and location we will spend the day, not with our extended family.  But somehow I must find thankfulness even in this circumstance. I'm so glad God didn't say 'for' the circumstance, but instead he said 'in'.  There is a big difference.  If it was 'for' it, we'd would just then have to succumb that this is God's will no matter what awful thing happens in our life, and we have to thank God for it.  No, that's not it at all.  But rather 'in' that circumstance, whether good or bad, we can still be thankful.

Last Thursday I went up to Tioga to be there early Friday morning for Todd's doctor appointment.   Since it's over 3 1/2 hours of driving time, I didn't want to get up at 4 am to be there at 8 am for his appointment.  I left to go up to Tioga in the afternoon, as my Dad had surgery that morning to have a stint put into his heart, as he was on the verge of another heart attack, but thankfully they caught it in time, and were able to do the surgery before that heart attack happened.  He is doing so much better now, and said it's the best he's felt in a long time.

I got to Tioga on Thursday night right before supper time.  I had stopped at the local gas station and grabbed a dried up sandwich for my supper and was gagging it down in the car as I pulled up to the nursing home.    I saw Todd walking in the "Lobby Room" and quickly finished the last few bites of my sandwich and headed inside.  He made little or no acknowledgement that I was there.  He was holding his glasses in his hand and as I went to help him put them back on, I noticed how dirty they were, and went and got my cleaning cloth I keep in my iPad cover for cleaning glass.  As I cleaned them, I noticed tear stains on his lens.  A little while later, as we were sitting at the dining room table waiting for his food to come, I noticed, tear stains around his eyes and asked him if he'd been crying, or was he hurt?  He got out the words "Miss you."  Then I started crying.  I told him how much I miss him too, and how much I absolutely hate this being so far away.  

    Most of Thursday evening he was pretty alert and what we call, 'busy,' which means lots of walking around, up and down the hallways.  The polka band was in for their regular Thursday night entertainment, but I really didn't get to hear much, as Todd didn't want to sit still, he was up and walking.  Later he said he was tired, and the staff told me it was his night for a bath, so I got him down to his room, for his shower.  Later when he was lying on his bed, I asked him if he wanted me to read the Bible to him and he said "yes."   So I read 2 Timothy, by the end of the book, he was asleep.  Reading from Todd's Bible is always a treasure for me, as he has tons of notes written here and there by different scriptures. Often he'll have a comment and a date, and that was the scripture that he was 'standing on' during that time of our lives.  It's like reading our life history.  There's also 'V' marks with dates by them, and those indicate when he memorized that section of the Bible.  When I told Kristi what those marks meant, she said, I've always wondered what those meant, and man that means he's memorized most of the New Testament. Yup, he had!  Todd was always my walking concordance, cause he also would have the 'reference' memorized. 

   I did get one chuckle and smile out of him that night when I picked up his Bible and had it upside down, and said, "Oops, I'm a good reader, but not that good."  He smiled and had a little chuckle.

    Although I was encouraged how alert he was Thursday night, the rest of the weekend, was not to be like that. It was more what I've termed him being "in the zone," where he just sits and stares and make little acknowledgement of his environment around him.   

     Friday morning I visited with Doctor VJ.  (Todd slept through his appointment) I told him I wasn't happy about Todd being on so many meds, for he seems  way to doped up. This is the main reason I have avoided taking Todd to doctors for years, as all they want to do, is drug you up.  So far I haven't seen that any of the drugs are helping Todd, except for maybe helping him sleep, but now his sleep seems excessive. Doc VJ agreed to start weaning him off some of the meds.  He'll still have to be on anti-seizure meds for a year though, but as long as he stays seizure free, they can wean him off in a year.  I also asked why the PT hasn't been working with his neck.  A PT aide came in that afternoon, and worked with Todd for maybe 5 minutes.  Not much, but at least it's something.  Every time I'm there, I try to work with his neck, giving him massages, and trying to lift his head and bring movement back to his neck. He still winces in pain when you work with him.

     Sunday morning I was able to get him to the AG church with me.  I sang a 'special' during the offering time, which turned into a 'prayer time' at the altar.  Pastor Jeremy and several men of the church prayed for Todd.  During the worship time, several times, Todd looked like he was about to cry.  I know his spirit is so wanting to worship God like he use to, but this awful condition keeps him from it.  After the service Todd and I had some left over baked potatoes and chili from the previous nights mission fund raiser. Several of the men helped me get Todd back into to the car to head back to the nursing home.  I was so thankful for the help!  Getting him in and out of a vehicle is not easy.

    When I left to head home, there was a couple from Williston that was ready to sing and minister to the residents at the nursing home.  I heard a little bit of their warm up and mike testing and they sounded really good, I hated to leave and miss it, but I knew I needed to get on the road, as I hate driving in the dark, especially when I'm alone.  Todd was resting in one of the recliners in the dining hall. Hopefully he enjoyed the service.

    One of the CNA's told me she prays for Todd and I every day.  I told her thank you, and she went on to say, "I just hate it that you're so far apart, and I hate seeing you and your daughter having to drive these highways especially now with the winter weather.  I just keep asking God to please open up a door closer to you."  I know her pray is not alone, for that is my daily prayer too.  The Social Worker and I have continued to be pests at the various homes his name is on the lists, but so far no openings.  But God....

    So as Thanksgiving rolls around, and maybe you're like me, you're having to dig deep "in" your circumstance to find thankfulness, I pray that you truly, from your heart, can be thankful, for then you too will be in God's will for your life.