With Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving at a Nursing Home

 Todd getting his Thanksgiving meal. He said it was good.  I could have done without the gravy, but good thing Todd loves gravy.

 Kristi and Todd. We got to sit at a private table in the Lobby Room, so a little more like 'family' time.

Todd checking out what Kristi is doing. She is typing another one of her stories into the laptop. She is an awesome writer!  I am very impressed with what she's been doing. She writes everything by hand in a notebook, and then later types it into the computer.  She said she likes doing it the 'old fashion' way.

As I sit down to write this morning, reflecting back on Thursday and Thanksgiving, I'm really struggling how to write,  for me it was a very difficult day.  It wasn't just the 7 hours of driving, the cold weather, or anything like that, although those were not enjoyable, it was an inner struggle and hurt.   

     Kristi and I got up to Tioga about 11 am shortly before the  dinner meal.   Todd was asleep in the recliner by the nurses station.  The staff said he had been very 'busy' that morning.  But maybe I should back up to Tuesday for you to understand some of my inward struggle.   

     Last week I had met with Dr VJ, and he had agreed to start reducing Todd's meds on Monday.  On Tuesday I received a call from the head nurse and a couple other staff members that Todd had gotten rather difficult to handle on Monday evening.  They informed me that the first sign of aggression in anyway, he will be sent back to the Psych Ward.  They wanted to put him back on a certain drug that he had just been pulled off of. (One that that Dr VJ had been reducing for the last couple of weeks).  They also said, if he goes back to a Psych , the chances of him getting placed again will be little to none.  I still stand to say Todd is not aggressive, but he is very stubborn, and if he doesn't want to do something he won't do it. (I know, I've lived with him for almost 32 years.)  But others may interpret his stubbornness as aggression, because of his physical strength.  So with their threat of sending him back to Psych Ward (someplace he never should have been, and a place I NEVER want him to see again) I agreed to a low dosage of this drug.  (I felt like I was between a rock and a hard place)

    We woke Todd up to have our "Thanksgiving Meal."  It was ok, but nothing like what a home cooked meal would taste like, but the staff tried to make it as festive as possible.  The rest of the afternoon, Todd was 'busy.'  Walking, pacing, no, it was more like a very fast shuffle jog.  Up and down the hall ways.  He also seemed fixated about the public toilets in the Lobby.  It took three staff members to get him off.  He had been sitting on it, facing the wall (riding it more like a horse) and flushing and flushing.  I had tried several times, to get him up, and so had Kristi, but he wouldn't budge.  It took the staff about 10 minutes to talk him off it.  That was the second time he had done that that afternoon. I sat and cried.   I hate seeing Todd like this.  I look at my handsome husband, and wonder how in the heck did this all happen? Why?  How can his thinking be so far gone?  Questions to which I may never have answers.

    I tired singing to him, but he didn't seem too interested.  Once he tried to pick up the TV in the room, and Kristi and I had to stop him.  We did get him to sit down briefly, and I was telling him that is Thanksgiving and we should be Thankful.  I told him I was thankful that I had meat stuck in my tooth, cause that meant I got food to eat, but I really wanted to find a toothpick to get it out, cause it was bugging me. On that, I got the one and only smile out of him all day.

    I called both Tyson and Phil so they could say 'hi' to their Dad.  As usual there's little to no response out of Todd.  It's very hard to hold a phone conversation, as it's always one sided.

    By the time we had to go, I felt strung out and exhausted and an emotional basket case.  I'm sorry to say I cried more on Thanksgiving than I have for weeks.  I was thankful for my wonderful daughter who drove most of the way home, cause she knew her mom wasn't in a good condition to drive.  I am thankful to some wonderful CNA's and nurses that show incredible patience with Todd.  I'm thankful to the wonderful friends who messaged and text me through out the day, to say they were praying for me.  One in particular, who I went to Bible College with, and haven't seen in years, messaged me several times that day with words of encouragement and love.  God is so good, to send those that can encourage, when I can hardly function.  I'd like to say, I'm a rock, and never have a moment that I struggle, but if I said that, I'd be a liar.  I'm human and I struggle greatly.   

    This morning I read in my Bible; Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. (Philippians 4:6 NIV)

    I guess I'm noticing prepositions lately.  But I noticed "in' every situation, 'by' prayer and petition 'with' thanksgiving, is how we are to present our requests to God.  I like how the NLT translation says it: 

Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus. (Philippians 4:6, 7 NLT)

    My heart is to continue on in prayer with thanksgiving for then the peace will come. The peace that The Lord gives is the kind that guards your heart, like a military guard, protecting a city from hostile invasion.  

     I haven't been perfect in walking in that scripture every moment, but I continue on.  I know where is power and strength in his Word.  It's in Him I find strength.