Ambused

Lovely picture of Todd and I when we were dating. And yes, his hat was too small for me, which means I have a really big head, Todd wore a 7 3/8 hat size and that's too small for me!  Love our glasses.  (I couldn't think of a picture of an ambush, so I thought I'd post an old one of us instead.  It really has nothing to do with this blog.)

Ambush- noun- 1. an act or instance of attacking unexpectedly from a concealed position.

    A noun is a person, place or thing, or idea, so in the case of the word ambush, it's a thing.  In the last 10 months I've been experiencing it, but until tonight I didn't have a name for it.  So let me explain.

    It's called an ambush of grief.  I find myself going along doing quite well, when all of a sudden something hits you, a song, a smell, a picture, and you're hit in the gut with grief.  I got ambushed last night.  No one else knew (I don't think anyway), they probably just thought I was being touched by God in some way, as the tears ran down my face.

   I was sitting at a Concert at a church up the street and listening to a Gospel group called Three Bridges. (By the way they are really good!)  Well, Three Bridges had gotten wind of the fact that the pastor of that church and his family sang together, so they asked them to do a song.  They sang a wonderful song called "I Get To." (I think that was the name anyway), but then I got ambushed.  It wasn't even the song, it was just hearing this husband and wife and son sing together.  I began to weep, for Todd and I use to sing together a lot (never could talk the kids into singing with us though).  I sat there listening to them sing, knowing here is another loss for me.  Yes, I have realized it before this, especially when I've song a couple of the songs that Todd and I use to do together this summer, and realized I can't sing them in the same key anymore, cause Todd always sang melody, and his voice was much higher than mine, so now, I'm dropping the key down to adjust to my voice.  But there's no more harmony for me on those songs, I'm singing solo now, in more ways than one.   

    There's no warning to an ambushment.  If you knew it was coming you wouldn't be ambushed.  This isn't the first time I've been an ambushed by grief in the last 10 months, and I'm sure it won't be the last.  It always hits when you don't expect it, of course that's why it's called an ambush.

    There's other times when it's finding something he wrote, or seeing a picture of him I'd forgotten about.  Bamm!  I get hit!  There's those times when I've seen someone that we haven't seen for a long time, and I have this thought I can't wait to tell Todd that I saw them, and then realize I can't, he's not here.  

    Although I know I'll probably get ambushed again, I'm also confident in this: …"I do not have to be afraid, for He has ransomed me. He has called me by name, and I am his.  When I go through the deep waters, He will be with me. When I go through rivers of difficulty, I will not drown. When I walk through the fire of oppression, I will not be burned up, the flames will not consume me." (Isaiah 43:1-2- my Paraphrase)  

  God has proven himself to me over and over again. He is still with me, even when I'm ambushed and taken by surprise, he walks with me through it.