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| My friend Melanie, Me and her friend Debbie. This was a major bucket list check off for Debbie to see Mt Rushmore. |
This past weekend I met up with some friends from Colorado and Maine, in Rapid City, SD kind of a midway point for us. We had a wonderful time visiting and seeing Mount Rushmore. On my way home on Saturday I stopped and visited with my brother-in-law, always good to see Todd's brother and catch up on his life, and reminisce about Todd. On my drive home, I was fighting sleep, I was super tired, due to the fact that I hadn't slept well, cause I wasn't feeling all that great. By the time I got to Dickinson even though less than two hours from home, I pulled into a hotel to sleep. It was a "Welcome to the Oil Field" shock on the price, but like my brother-in-law told me in his text, "better an expensive bed, than in the ditch somewhere." Since I was in Dickinson on a Sunday morning, I decided I'd go visit "Break Forth Bible Church." Todd and I have known Pastors Larry and Sally Phalen for many many years, and have always enjoyed their down to earth ministry. Their love for God and enthusiasm is contagious! What I didn't expect was to end up as Larry's sermon illustration. He was preaching on "Cowboy Up!" well, actually he was preaching on "Girding up the loins of your mind," but in cowboy terms that's 'Cowboy up!" You can hear Pastor Larry's message at www.breakforthbiblechurch.com and look under livestream and archived messages for Oct. 26th. I had to chuckle a little cause I was writing something down he had said in my notebook, when he asked me if he could pick on me for a little bit. I looked up, totally missing what he had just said, and it slowly started to sink in he was talking to me and about me. He basically shared a little how I've had to learn to Cowgirl Up, even in the worst of times, and still hang on to Jesus. Like most new widows I've had to learn to do things by myself, there's that part where you pull yourself up by the boot straps and say, "I'm pressing on, I will not be defeated and I will not quit." There's the part when you have to have the revelation that 'greater is He that is in me than he that is in the world', or how I like to say it, "I'm bigger on the inside than I am on the out." It's not me that's big on the inside, it's the God who lives in me that's big!
This morning I awoke to the phrase "Giving beyond the widow's mite" rolling around in my thoughts. I started thinking about that widow in Mark 12:41-44 and Luke 21:1-4. Jesus was sitting by where the offerings were put in and just watching. I've got news folks, he still watching what people give. He observed people putting in all sorts of amounts. But along comes this poor widow, she puts in a couple of coins, and it's said were worth only pennies (in our currency), but Jesus commended her, and said she gave more than everyone else. I'm sure his disciples were shocked. What? a few pennies is more than all these lavish gifts? It's can't be! But Jesus drives his point home by saying, "They gave out of their wealth, but she out of her poverty gave everything she had." It's not the size of the gift, but the size of the heart of the gift. She gave all. She was trusting that as she gave, God would supply for her when she had nothing left. Jesus was looking at her heart, and she gave all.
I've never understood people that don't like to give or that are stingy. They just make my head go 'tilt.' I can't understand living that way. I've enjoyed giving and love to give. There was one time Todd and I gave everything we had in an offering. It was kind of like that widows mite. You'll laugh, but it was one dollar. That was all the money we had to our name (although I think we may have had $15 dollars in a savings account that we had set aside, saving up to go to Minneapolis to hear TL Osborn preach). I had received the dollar from my Grammie Gray that day. I had painted her a picture of my little niece and had mailed it to her, and she sent me a dollar to cover the postage. Todd and I at the time, were working at a ministry where it was volunteer, we had no income what to speak of. Although our food and lodging was provided for, we still had a car payment to meet each month. I don't know how, but we never missed a payment on that car, and I'd have to say it was all God. Back to my dollar story; we went to church that evening and when the offering plate went around I remember thinking, I might as well give the one dollar we have, cause it won't buy us much anyway, and I'd rather seed it, than spend it. After the service some friends asked us if we'd go out to 'coffee' with them. My first thought was I sure hope they're paying, cause we don't have any money left to pay. Thankfully they did pay, and we had a wonderful visit with them. As the husband was paying the bill at the restaurant, he slipped his hand under the table and shoved a check in my hand. When I looked at it, it was for $100! I looked up with a the most quizzical look, like what's this for? He said, "We just wanted to bless you." We were blessed! I do have to say this is the only time in my life, within hours God blessed us 100 times what we have given, but God saw past the amount and saw our hearts. We took that $100 and the $15 in savings and went and heard TL Osborn preach, but that's a whole 'nother story.
What is it to give past the widows mite? What do you give when you've given all? You give your heart. You give your time. You give your talents. You just give all. I have found in life the best way to solve selfishness is to just give.
There's the giving that has nothing to do with money. It's the giving of your heart and life. I found myself there a lot taking care of Todd the last few years. I have journal entry after journal entry crying out to God, "I can't do this anymore," but I did. I kept caring for him, I kept loving him. Even when it came to the point, where I couldn't physically do it any longer, his care needs were becoming beyond my ability, and my own health was breaking down. I still gave what I had. There wasn't a lot of Kelley left by then, but I gave him everything I had. Even when I had to surrender his physical care to health care professionals, and my heart broke in two again, I was there for him every minute I could be. I gave to Todd even in my 'poverty of strength' I still gave him all I had. If you don't believe me, I challenge you to go care for someone failing of dementia or Alzheimer's, and do that 24/7 all by yourself, and see how long you last. It's not an easy job. My heart goes out to the many people who are in that position. There is no break, there is no relief, it's 24/7 care, that most people have no clue how hard it really is. But love still keeps giving. Walking through it all I've learned how to Cowgirl Up and know that the greater one lives on the inside of me, and He never quits or gives up, so neither should I.
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