Last night as I went to bed, I heard the first couple lines of this poem that follows rolling around in my head. Folks, I don't know how to do this. There's nothing I've ever been through or learned before that could prepare me for this. To have to leave Todd today at the nursing home, and drive home, about did me in. I stood there sobbing next to him while he slept in a recliner, and one of the CNA's came over and put her arms around me and just let me cry on her shoulder. (she's one of the cute Spanish speaking gals there, although her English is flawless.) I handed her a piece a paper with this poem on it, that I wrote for Todd, and asked if someone could please read it to him when he wakes up. I doubt he'll understand it, but I still wanted it read to him. I had planned on reading it to him myself, but he didn't wake up while I was there, and I needed to get on the road before it was too late.
They had told me that he was so unstable this morning, they had to bring him to breakfast in a wheel chair. My heart broke some more. He slept through lunch. I called the nursing home tonight and they said, he ate very little at supper and went to bed early again, and was sleeping. They said he's been talking in his sleep a lot and very loudly. At first they couldn't figure out who was talking so loud, and then realized it was Todd. They said his hands were moving and gesturing like he was talking, but it didn't make any sense. I told them Todd has always talked in his sleep and sometimes has said the funniest things, he once carried on a lengthy phone conversation with someone, and he was totally asleep.
I made it home by about 5:30 exhausted. Kristi and I ate some supper, she mowed the lawn, I picked the tomatoes in the garden then took Quito for a walk around the neighborhood. Everyday things seem so strange to be doing, I felt like I've been through some kind of unreal-world time warp, and I know it's not over.
Tomorrow Kristi will be the Autumnfest Parade here in Bismarck. This year she in the front row of the Century Patriot Band. So look for that cute flute player in the middle.
Below is the poem I wrote for Todd last night.
Keeping You in My Heart
How do I live this life apart
I don't know where to start
It's tearing up my heart
You've always been by my side
Our love we did not hide
I thought we always would abide.
But it's more than I can take
I wish that I could make
This life better for your sake.
I'm doing all that I can do
To show you I love you
Please love me back too.
So in Him I must be strong
To trust you in His arms belong
And worship Him with my song.
So while we are apart
From His love we will not depart
I keep you in my heart.
"May The Lord watch between me and thee while we are absent from each other."
that's beautiful, Kelley. We continue to pray for your strength through Christ who will carry you through each day and hour. Just take a minute at a time...don't try and bite off the whole week at once...been there, done that...
ReplyDeleteOh Kelley...we're sending our love and strength via prayers. So glad that Todd is resting better and maybe with a little more time he will calm down and won't have so many conversations in his sleep, and be adjusting to a calmer life? Although you feel as if he doesn't know you at times...we know that in his heart and spirit he does. His thought process is so scrambled that if he could...he'd laugh at his own actions and say "What? No way...I didn't do that...Ha! Ha!". We can picture his grin and twinkle in his eyes. We so wish we could have been there to help drive you home. We're sure the trip was almost unbearable. We thank God you made it home okay and was able to spend the evening with Kristi. We're hoping that you're enjoying the parade today and the cooler weather. Sending our love...Terry and Donna
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