Got a call this morning from the social worker at the hospital. She said she had good news but sort of bad news. A nursing home in Tioga ND had called and said they would take Todd. Tioga is about 200 miles from Bismarck, in the heart of the Bakken Oil Field. With Medicaid, I'm not given a choice nor can I say "no, I want to wait for something closer." You have to go where there is an opening. (I can still have his name on lists here in Bismarck to get him back closer eventually).
All I can say, is I cried so hard I collapsed to the floor. I feel like someone just ripped my heart out. On this afternoons visit I had to tell Todd what is going to happen. I took him for a walk outside in the courtyard again off the cafeteria. We sat down for a little bit and I told him that he was going to be going to a nursing home. I asked him if he knows what that is, he said yes. (but he says yes to most any question you ask, so I never know if he's really understanding or not). I told him the bad news is it's really far away, and I won't be able to see him every day. I told him the good news is that he won't have to wear these awful hospital clothes anymore, and he can again wear his western shirts and jeans and boots. He had a little smile on that one.
I felt he was a little bit better today, he put a couple of words together and was trying to talk a little bit more. They are taking him off one kind of seizure meds and switching to another, so maybe that is helping. He was very "busy" tonight, walking the halls. At one point he was acting like he was looking for something, and I asked him what he was looking for. He said he was "looking for Kelley." I stooped down and looked up at him (he's still stooped over) and said, "I'm right here. :-)"
Does he know I'm there, and still recognize me. I really don't know. I go anyway. I sing, and I pray with him, I love him and let him know it.
So on Monday, I will have to take him to Tioga, I'm not looking forward to it, or even the thought of him so far away, and having to drive up there in the oil fields. (if you're from ND you know what this means).
I continue to pray for an opening here in Bismarck/Mandan.
Kelley - there are not words - only prayers for Our Mighty God to sustain you all. Hugs. Pat
ReplyDeleteKelley, we would do anything to make all of this easier and we can't...so as Pat wrote in her post, we will pray for you and your daughter who are so very very impacted with these decisions and the distance from Todd. And we will continue to pray for Todd as he faces the impossible without his Kelley beside him making it bearable. I cannot believe this is happening to you both and you are in my thoughts and prayers. Only the love and good presence and power of our Jesus can keep your heart and mind in these days, and He is. love and prayers and hugs, Rita
ReplyDeleteIt's tough feeling hopeful since my natural tendency is to focus on complications and possible negative outcomes. You would think that age,experience, and all things of faith would have settled these matters by now. Sometimes, I have to forcibly step out of the "shade" and force my self to face the FACT that there
ReplyDeleteis always the possibility of peace,fullness,and purpose. Not necessarily in the circumstances themselves,
but in Christ's assurance to never leave me. This does not come easily for me at all. Stepping into the great
ocean of grace and relinquishing control, wishes, desires to fix things,etc. is hard for me, goes against my nature. We appreciate your candidness and are humbled by your wisdom in perspective and perseverance. Sheila and Steve
Kelley - I have been following the last couple days of your blog and I can tell you I know how you feel. This happen to my Dad, Keith, in June. He was essentially forced out of Edgewood Vista by an inadequate assessment of him and he is now in Jamestown. My siblings can only visit about once per week instead of everyday. He is declining quickly because of this. It is so sad. I think about it everyday. I feel for you with this being your young husband and looking at driving even further. This is one of the ways North Dakota is having difficulty managing all the changes. We have Dad on a list to get back to Bismarck, his community of 78 years, also. Waiting...waiting and hoping he will know us when he gets back. Love and prayers, Kim
ReplyDeleteKelley, I'm so sorry. My memories of Todd are so vivid.....joy-filled, heart-filled smile, the way he called me "Joye-bird".... Everyone who has known Todd has loved him, and our hearts break with yours. I know this doesn't make it better or easier right now, because heaven seems so far away....so long away. However, remember there is a day coming when Todd will meet you at heaven's gates, filled with merriment and laughter because he'll know you, and he'll be whole once again. He'll laugh and smile and sing and fill your ears with talking, all the while with that twinkle in his eyes. I pray for peace to calm your heart as you make this most difficult of journeys. May God give you strength for each day, and each tomorrow. Joye
ReplyDeleteKelley, we are crying and crying, too. This whole situation is devastating! There is so so much we do not understand. We just want to scream at God and say "why, what is going on?" We wish we could fix it for "our kids". All we can do is trust that somewhere or somehow there is a reason in God's plan. Please give Todd big hugs from us. We are fervently praying for Todd, you, and your family. I know that doesn't offer much comfort in the daily living of all of this. We do love you guys and have such fond memories of our times together at Bible school and when the spark took off between you two! Hugs and squeezes. Keith & Barbara Chadwell.
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